On Track?

I have learned a lot about myself this past month. I am focusing on stress reduction. I want so badly to use food as a crutch to get through the long days. In a way, I feel like I am learning a new language. What do I do without food to comfort me? I have been more dilligent in working out every morning. It is sometimes hard to have a "good" workout because I wake up in the middle of the night and I have a difficult time getting back to sleep. I wake up thinking of all the things I need to get done. My alarm goes off at 4:30 a.m. so that I can get to the gym at 5:00 a.m. If I don't go then, I find it too difficult to find the time. My daughter, Alexis, has been going with me. She is so sweet. I don't know if it is because she really wants to go to the gym at 5:00 a.m. or if it's because she is trying to help me. So...when I go to bed at 10:00 p.m., wake up due to stress at 2:00 a.m. and then go to the gym at 5:00 a.m., I know that my workout isn't the best but I do it anyway. I just walk through the gym yawning. For example, it is now 1:30 a.m. and I can't sleep. So...I am going to do some work, then I will try to sleep again. I will be at the gym at 5:00 a.m. no matter what. I did follow Dr. Oz's advice and I took the TV out of my room. Now when I can't sleep, I am forced to read. I need to create a completely relaxing atmosphere in my bedroom so that my body feels relaxed when I am in my bedroom. Like right now, I am sitting in my bed using my lap top. Next step should be to move to my home office or the dining room table to work instead of in my bedroom.

I am not sure of where I am in my weight loss. Over all, I think I have lost a little over 40 pounds since Oct. 1, 2008. (I can ask Fountain of Youth--I didn't want to know my starting weight so that I didn't focus on how much I needed to lose instead of focusing on the success of what I was losing.) I think it should probably be closer to 50 pounds since I have been at this over 5 months. It helped me to read the other contestant's blogs and see that they have likewise slowed down--maybe it is to be expected. I keep thinking about how I am almost half way through my "gifted" year at the Fountain of Youth. I feel determined to do better. I do realized that there can be no excuses. I can do this and it is entirely up to me. I think that if I had started a program like this a year ago, without the accountability that I receive from Fountain of Youth, I would have failed at this point because my focus has shifted to the stress I am feeling and I would have given in to the strong urge to eat for comfort. I was talking to a friend who had lost 40 pounds (his goal weight) a while ago. He said that he swore he'd never gain back the weight. He did like a lot of people and now he is working on the weight loss agian. So...I see how easily that can happen. This is a good experience for me because I know that I have to choose to focus on healthy food and exercise habits the rest of my life. A beautiful friend pulled me aside the other day and she shared with me that she constantly focuses on her healthful habits. She is close to my age, drop-dead gorgeous and perfectly slim. I would have never thought that she focuses on maintaining her weight. One day I will look like her and I will encourage someone who is in the position that I am in now. I am excited for that day to come. I am also excited to shop in the "regular" size section of the stores! It will come and I will do it! Thanks Fountain of Youth for giving me the accountability factor! It is critical for me at this point. So...overall, I have struggled the last month or more (I don't know because it is a blurr in my memory). I do feel; however, that I am on track to becoming a healthier, trimmer me!

STRESS!

Wow! What a crazy couple of weeks I just lived! I think my weight has stayed the same. I lost 5 pounds but then I gained it back. Gaining weight seems to be a pre-mentral pattern based on the past 4 months; however, I feel different right now. My body feels bloated and big. There are no excused--that is one thing I've learned. It IS all up to me and I know that I will figure out how to lose and keep the weight off. I need help dealing with stress. I can see a lifetime of PAST patterns where I ate4 under stress, I didn't get enough sleep when I was stressed so I ate simple carbs for quick energy, and I ateto basically feel better--all of the time. This past week I have felt hungry all the time. There are a couple of days when I ate 3 protein bars before 10 am (of course I was getting up at 2:30 a.m. because I couldn't sleep). Last week, I finished a fundraiser that I was in charge of at my daughter's school. It was the first year of the school and the fundraiser; I hadn't organzied a fundraiser before nor had the other leaders. I also didn't know any of the other parents so I had to depend on complete strangers (and some of them didn't follow through). I have been without an assistant at my office for about 4 weeks -- stress!!!! My business has kept me working very long hours. I am greatful that my business does so well. (A new assistant just started on Friday--yeah!). I had out-of-town company--my nephew, his wife, two small children and my brother-in-law. They came the day before the fundraiser and they stayed two days after the fundraiser. Then, I had my birthday and I had lots of family and friends visits. We had no laundry or groceries by the time it was all said and done. Last friday I had a breakfast meeting, a lunch meeting, and a dinner meeting -- no kidding! And Saturday, my friend took me to dinner and a movie for my birthday--she chose our favorit pizza place. I ate a salad and one piece of pizza. My sister-in-law bought a huge ice cream cake. I threw the left overs away (I still feel guilty but I couldn't be tempted). What I know for sure is that I feel much better when I only eat the foods that are on the program! I did well considering that it was the first time since I started the program that I was faced with this amount of stress. I only ate one small piece of cake, one piece of pizza and I ate salads at all of those meals. It is a new week and I am excited to be back on track! This has been a good experience because now I know what it feels like to over-eat. I love how I feel on the program--I don't ever want to go back to how I used to be!