A Happy Mother's Day

I lost 2 pounds this week. I haven't been feeling great about myself and it is hard for me not to beat myself up because I am not perfect at following the weight loss "plan". I do well but not as well as I feel I could. This has been such a surreal experience. The other day I saw myself in the mirror in the rest room in the building where my office is. I looked like a little kid wearing adult clothes. My shirt was big and baggy as were my pants. That evening I tried on several outfits for my daughter and she told me that I look "aweful". I had purchased new, smaller clother a month ago and I was realizing that they are already too big (I think I actually purchased clothes that were a size too big). What to do? So I went shopping yesterday and purchased several items of clothing that actually fit me. I am still shopping in the plus size section; however, I can fit into clothes that are 4 sizes smaller than when I started this program (that may not seem like a lot but it is in plus sizes). I purchased pants without an elastic waistband! Last night I wore my dress shoes to an event where Elisabeth was recognized with another scholarship. The shoes were falling off my feet--I could hardly walk! I think I need a smaller shoe size also. Is this real? Am I really shrinking? I am! I have a ways to go but I feel happy in the success that I've already experienced. I feel so encoraged by the new clothes (I also know that they will be too big in a while) that I feel motivated and encouraged to do better on the plan. Alexis and I cleaned out my closet and put all of my "big clothes" in a bag to take to the D.I. I said good bye to clothes I've worn for over 10 years. Now I have lots of room for new clothes. So...for anyone who reads this who sees me often, you know why you see me in the same three outfits everytime you see me. This is a happy mother's day. Thanks, Elisabeth, Alexis and Avanlee for all of your support and encouragement! I love you!

Ah Ha Moments Keep Coming!

I had a great visit with Dr. Smith! He seems to know just what to say to me! He told me that as he has observed his brother and his brother's friends--all of whom attended Harvard Law school together--he has noticed that those who focused on their health are very successful and accomplished today (like Mitt Romney) and those who didn't focus on their health don't have the prominence or success as do the "health-conscious" friends. He also said that I must have a lot of drive to be able to accomplish what I do (I think that means as an over-weight person). I have never thought of my situation that way. I can now imagine what more I can accomplish as I gain more energy because I have less weight to pack around. I can already feel the affects. I get more done these days and I have more stamina. I also feel more emotionally balanced. I tasted a piece of cake the other day and it just tasted sweet. I didn't like it. I feel somewhat of a loss for my "food friends" who have kept me company for oh so many years. They no longer satisfy me. After my talk with Dr. Smith, I have chosen to be more dilligent in getting enough sleep and exercise. When I work too much, I cut out sleep, then I crave simple carbs to keep me going, then I don't feel up to going to the gym etc. It's a cycle of going nowhere. I feel refreshed and I definitely know that I am going somwhere! I finally bought a few new clothes. I was shocked that I could wear several sizes smaller. I look much better in clothes that fit me! I gave my baggy clothes to the D.I. In a way, I don't know if I really believed that I would get to this day. Don't get me wrong, I still have at least 70 more pounds to shed (I am somewhere between 50 - 55 pounds lighter right now). I feel better than I could have ever imagined! I am on my way to complete health! My friend Lynette signed us up to walk the 5K portion of the Ogden Marathon on May 16. I am nervous but I will success. I am excited--this is just the beginning! Thanks to the Fountain of Youth for their guidance and support! Everyone should consult with them about their personal journey of weight loss. They have made all the difference in the world to me!

50 POUNDS!

I can't believe that it's been a month since I've blogged (is that a word?). I have been overwhelmed running my insurance business. My assistant quit, I'm training a new assistant, and my best employee cut her hours. I should be working right now. I just thought I'd add a bit to my blog. I met with Dr. Smith for the first time last month. He is amazing! He spent over 30 minutes with me. He pointed out that I was on a weight loss plateau--I didn't even know--he asked me what I was eating and I told him. The answer was simple but I didn't think of it on my own. I had lost 38 pounds and I was eating the same amount of calories that I ate to lose the 40 pounds. I needed to cut my calories because I was maintaining my weight eating the same amount of food. It makes sense! So I started eating less calories and the first week I dropped 10 pounds. Last week I shed 3 pounds. It almost feels like I started over again. I feel great! I keep telling myself that this is my new eating habit and I will eat like this the rest of my life. I know I can do it! I love feeling good. I just try not to think of the fact that I have at least 70 more pounds to go. I love what Fountain of Youth has done for me! I wish I had found the program 10 years ago. When I think of how much time and money I spent trying to lose weight on my own I just shake my head. I know I couldn't do this without the Fountain of Youth program.

On Track?

I have learned a lot about myself this past month. I am focusing on stress reduction. I want so badly to use food as a crutch to get through the long days. In a way, I feel like I am learning a new language. What do I do without food to comfort me? I have been more dilligent in working out every morning. It is sometimes hard to have a "good" workout because I wake up in the middle of the night and I have a difficult time getting back to sleep. I wake up thinking of all the things I need to get done. My alarm goes off at 4:30 a.m. so that I can get to the gym at 5:00 a.m. If I don't go then, I find it too difficult to find the time. My daughter, Alexis, has been going with me. She is so sweet. I don't know if it is because she really wants to go to the gym at 5:00 a.m. or if it's because she is trying to help me. So...when I go to bed at 10:00 p.m., wake up due to stress at 2:00 a.m. and then go to the gym at 5:00 a.m., I know that my workout isn't the best but I do it anyway. I just walk through the gym yawning. For example, it is now 1:30 a.m. and I can't sleep. So...I am going to do some work, then I will try to sleep again. I will be at the gym at 5:00 a.m. no matter what. I did follow Dr. Oz's advice and I took the TV out of my room. Now when I can't sleep, I am forced to read. I need to create a completely relaxing atmosphere in my bedroom so that my body feels relaxed when I am in my bedroom. Like right now, I am sitting in my bed using my lap top. Next step should be to move to my home office or the dining room table to work instead of in my bedroom.

I am not sure of where I am in my weight loss. Over all, I think I have lost a little over 40 pounds since Oct. 1, 2008. (I can ask Fountain of Youth--I didn't want to know my starting weight so that I didn't focus on how much I needed to lose instead of focusing on the success of what I was losing.) I think it should probably be closer to 50 pounds since I have been at this over 5 months. It helped me to read the other contestant's blogs and see that they have likewise slowed down--maybe it is to be expected. I keep thinking about how I am almost half way through my "gifted" year at the Fountain of Youth. I feel determined to do better. I do realized that there can be no excuses. I can do this and it is entirely up to me. I think that if I had started a program like this a year ago, without the accountability that I receive from Fountain of Youth, I would have failed at this point because my focus has shifted to the stress I am feeling and I would have given in to the strong urge to eat for comfort. I was talking to a friend who had lost 40 pounds (his goal weight) a while ago. He said that he swore he'd never gain back the weight. He did like a lot of people and now he is working on the weight loss agian. So...I see how easily that can happen. This is a good experience for me because I know that I have to choose to focus on healthy food and exercise habits the rest of my life. A beautiful friend pulled me aside the other day and she shared with me that she constantly focuses on her healthful habits. She is close to my age, drop-dead gorgeous and perfectly slim. I would have never thought that she focuses on maintaining her weight. One day I will look like her and I will encourage someone who is in the position that I am in now. I am excited for that day to come. I am also excited to shop in the "regular" size section of the stores! It will come and I will do it! Thanks Fountain of Youth for giving me the accountability factor! It is critical for me at this point. So...overall, I have struggled the last month or more (I don't know because it is a blurr in my memory). I do feel; however, that I am on track to becoming a healthier, trimmer me!

STRESS!

Wow! What a crazy couple of weeks I just lived! I think my weight has stayed the same. I lost 5 pounds but then I gained it back. Gaining weight seems to be a pre-mentral pattern based on the past 4 months; however, I feel different right now. My body feels bloated and big. There are no excused--that is one thing I've learned. It IS all up to me and I know that I will figure out how to lose and keep the weight off. I need help dealing with stress. I can see a lifetime of PAST patterns where I ate4 under stress, I didn't get enough sleep when I was stressed so I ate simple carbs for quick energy, and I ateto basically feel better--all of the time. This past week I have felt hungry all the time. There are a couple of days when I ate 3 protein bars before 10 am (of course I was getting up at 2:30 a.m. because I couldn't sleep). Last week, I finished a fundraiser that I was in charge of at my daughter's school. It was the first year of the school and the fundraiser; I hadn't organzied a fundraiser before nor had the other leaders. I also didn't know any of the other parents so I had to depend on complete strangers (and some of them didn't follow through). I have been without an assistant at my office for about 4 weeks -- stress!!!! My business has kept me working very long hours. I am greatful that my business does so well. (A new assistant just started on Friday--yeah!). I had out-of-town company--my nephew, his wife, two small children and my brother-in-law. They came the day before the fundraiser and they stayed two days after the fundraiser. Then, I had my birthday and I had lots of family and friends visits. We had no laundry or groceries by the time it was all said and done. Last friday I had a breakfast meeting, a lunch meeting, and a dinner meeting -- no kidding! And Saturday, my friend took me to dinner and a movie for my birthday--she chose our favorit pizza place. I ate a salad and one piece of pizza. My sister-in-law bought a huge ice cream cake. I threw the left overs away (I still feel guilty but I couldn't be tempted). What I know for sure is that I feel much better when I only eat the foods that are on the program! I did well considering that it was the first time since I started the program that I was faced with this amount of stress. I only ate one small piece of cake, one piece of pizza and I ate salads at all of those meals. It is a new week and I am excited to be back on track! This has been a good experience because now I know what it feels like to over-eat. I love how I feel on the program--I don't ever want to go back to how I used to be!

Coming Along

Two weeks ago, I had lost 37 pounds total, the next week I gained back 5, then last week I re-lost the 5 that I had lost the first time and then re-gained. So...I guess I haven't really lost any weight for 2 weeks. I don't feel badly about it--it has been a great learning experience. I am used to my new way of eating. The most difficult thing for me is when I don't get enough sleep and/or I am really stressed. I still find myself looking for food to comfort me or to give me a quick pick up. When I am focusing on my business and I am moving too fast mentally, I have a difficult time slowing down long enough to think about food. So...sometimes I don't eat enough. I carry all of the food I need for the day with me and that helps a lot. Last week, I was stressed and I sat at my desk and ate 3 protein bars in a row. It was aroudn 6:00 p.m. and I hadn't focused on eating them during the day so I ate them all at once. The point I am making is that I was eating out of stress but the bars were what I had to eat so I ate them. I think that is a positive but I know that I have to eat every 2 - 3 hours to make this program work. Right now is a test for me. My assistant is no longer working for me and my work load is tremendous, especially mentally. I am learning how important stress management is to my health. Stress causes me to wake up in the middle of the night. Exercise helps but it is not enough. I will figure it out. I wish there were someone who understood my situation for me to talk to and learn from.

A LOT TO LEARN

This has been an incredible journey! What I am learning is that I have to stay 100% focused on my life's changes. This experience is too important and too sensitive to take my eye off my goal, even for a moment. I wonder if my new health plan will become second nature to the point that I don't have to think about it. I've had 40 years of not-so-great health habits so I imagine that it may take years to make my new habits second nature. Sometimes when I'm running from activity to activity and I don't plan enough time to carry enough food with me, I find myself not eating frequently enough and then when I am home, I overeat the healthy food because I allowed myself to go too long without eating. In the beginning of the program, I ate too little food and I felt faint and I couldn't think straight. I added the calories of the bars and shakes with the small amount of food I was eating and I discovered that I was eating around 900 calories. So...I started searching for foods to eat that meet the criteria of the plan. I found that eating small amounts of food throughout the day is better for me than eating a mid-sized meal at the end of the day. By the time I've worked a 12-14 hour day, I don't have energy to make a "real" meal. It has helped me a lot to not just track what I eat but to also track the calories, the amount of protein, and the amount of carbs. Fountain of Youth gave me guidelines for all of these areas. It is sometimes a chore to track all of these. Yesterday, I was at Barnes and Noble and I found the perfect little journal that already has these areas written down--it also includes an exercise log and a way to track water intake. I think the journal will help me immensely! It will at least make things easier! Yeah!

Week of Gratitude

I was shocked to find out at my weigh-in yesterday that I gained some weight back. So...for this week at least, I lost momentum toward my goal. It doesn't feel good for sure. Debbie didn't tell me exactly how much weight I gained back and I get the impression that it is more complicated than that. I wonder if I have actually been losing 1 - 1 1/2 pounds a week like I thought. All I can do is go forward so...the pitty party will end now. What I feel is GRATITUDE toward Fountain of Youth for the weekly weigh-in! Knowing where I am weekly will help me to get back on track when I fall down. In Oprah's last magazine she talks about gaining back about 40 pounds. She says that she stopped taking care of herself. When I read the article I thought "I'll pay attention not to let that happen to me" yet, that's exactly what I did. I stopped taking care of myself. I'm just grateful to know before all of the weight crept back on. THANKS FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH! I haven't felt well since before Christmas and I got the full-blown flu last week. I stayed in bed or did the bare minimum of work just to get by. I went for long periods without eating. Then I ate canned chicken soup (the kind with very little chicken). I figured that it couldn't be many calories. I didn't go to the gym--no energy. The other thing I didn't do (but I didn't even realize until I thought about it due to my weigh-in) is log what I was eating. I didn't eat a lot of quantity and I didn't eat "bad" foods. The problem is that I didn't eat enough protein. I got off-balance. The scale at Fountain of Youth knew that. Incredible! This week I am back on track. (I chuckle now to think that I thought I was O.K. because I didn't eat much.) I realize that my struggle has always been in taking care of myself. As a divorced mom with a crazy ex, all my kids have is me -- literally. That is why I work so hard at growing my insurance business. When I am not working, I am helping my children. I have to remember myself in the mix. It feels so foreign to me. After this week I realize that I have to find a way to find time for myself or I won't be here to take care of my children. And...this weight loss journey will be all in vain if I back-slide. This is the hardest part of the journey--much harder than following the food program and going to the gym. I will succeed! It's for the children!

A new shirt size!

Earlier I neglected to add that I bought a shirt and I had to take it back because it was too big! Everyday I visualize myself as a lean person; however, I haven't imagined what it would feel like to buy smaller clothes. It felt incredible! I AM now visualizing shopping in the "regular" sized section of the store. It feels wonderful!

Confession

I am so excited! Yesterday was Saturday and I pulled out all of my kitchen appliances and cleaned behind and underneath them! I'm excited because I had the energy to do the work! I usually work 12-15 hour days on my business. Until now, when I was home I would be lying down, too tired to do anything, except eat, of course. I relied on my children to complete basic chores around the house. Since I have lost some weight, I am amazed at how much more energy I have (and I've always thought of myself as a "high-energy" person). Thanks Fountain of Youth for the "new energetic me"! I have now lost 37 1/2 pounds.

A HAPPY NEW YEAR!

This is so exciting! I have lost at least a pound weekly and I am now 35 1/2 pounds lighter! This is now feeling easy because I feel so great. I feel like I have more and more energy all the time. I even "crave" going to the gym (a lot of the time). During the holiday I chose a few times when I ate a regular meal, over-ate, felt bloated...basically learned a very important lesson. I don't enjoy feeling "full" any longer. When I first started the program, I remember journally that I craved feeling "full". I think I have overcome that desire. I have come to a point where I eat every 2 - 3 hours naturally and I don't ever wake up hungry. I still love eating the protein bars. I don't miss many foods. I ate a potato chip and it tasted so salty that I didn't enjoy it. I doubt that Lays has changed their recipe so it must be that my taste buds are changing.

Overall, I feel incredibly blessed for the opportunity that Fountain of Youth has given me to change my life. The program works! And...there are aspects of the program that I need to improve on. This experience just gets better and better everyday.